Something more.

I see before me the new green leaves on the bush branches.  Leaves are beginning to fill in many of the trees as well. What were only branches for months and months, are blooming now.  I see not only green, but white, yellow, pink and purple flowers are popping open, new ones daily. It is like Christmas morning in the nature world.  Every morning we come to inspect what has opened overnight. What was bare, is now full.

Each green bud on a branch is a promise, a promise of something more.

We all hunger for something more.  We don’t quite know what that something more is.  It can be difficult to form into words. This desire follows us around during our days, in the silence of the night or early morning, it sneaks up, but often business hides it most of the time.  

That something more, it is you God.  You have wired us for your Kingdom, but mostly for you.  This Kingdom is a hidden one, at least right now in the reality of our present world.  At the same time, it is more real than absolutely anything else.

You said, “You see, the Kingdom of God is within you: in the book of Luke.  Your Kingdom is within us, it is within me. It is in our DNA, because you are the one who so wonderfully created us.  You created the Kingdom to go forth in our vessels, you living within us.

What is empty in me, will be filled in.  How can it not, with you living in me? It will be flourishing green and flowering one day in the future.  The same for you. He has abundance for you.

I do not need to do EVERYTHING

Today, I found this blog post that I wrote two years ago. It spoke peace to my present self so I thought I would share it with you. I have been trying to do too much, in fact, everything, and I am ready to hang the surrender flag.

The rain has been falling here all day.  My window is open as I type, the rain air feels new and fresh.  Often, we need such new and fresh thoughts to replace the ones that keep us frozen instead of freed.  

Here, friends, is a freeing thought- I do not HAVE TO do EVERYTHING I want to do EVERYDAY.    And you do not either. Take a collective sigh of relief and smile. Recently, I have been thinking of habits.  Habits for me. Habits for my kids. Habits for our family. There are so many habits I want to build, from all of us making our beds every day, the kids putting away what they are using, to the habit of kindness.  It can be daunting to even begin. That is usually my area of weakness, starting. I have many many ideas, plans and desires but beginning them is often overwhelming. Partly, because the list is long, and If I have my family practice them daily, that would be all we do.  Now, that is crazy. Or maybe not. Perhaps all of our living is merely a group of many habits anyway?

It came to my mind, why not pick one habit and start with that for a few weeks.  Let it become a habit, and then move on to the next one. I have decided to start with making my bed.  Allow my kids to see me do it, without nagging them to do it themselves. Let it become familiar to myself and my muscle memory.  I realized I need to try it, before I can ask my children to.

During this process, is when the freeing thought came in,  I do not have to do each habit everyday. What if I did them most days?  Allow me to use the example of washing my face. I wash my face many nights, but not every night.  Instead, of feeling bad about it, may we actually begin a habit of letting the shame go. I know I will wash my face, I both enjoy and value it.  It will happen, but maybe not everyday. Can I be ok with that? Can you be ok with giving up an expectation you have?

In other words, let us give ourselves some grace here.  Let us give ourselves freedom.

Some things I think I need to do EVERYday, maybe I don’t.

There are things I may do everyday and choose to.

I am ok.

You are ok.

I don’t have to be perfect with routine.  You do not have to be perfect with routine either.  Rest, I have heard is allowing the present to be imperfect.  This is one area my personality has difficult time coming to terms with that I will not be perfect.  I want to do things well, but that is not the same as perfect. Can I throw away the thought of living perfectly so that I can truly live?

I heard someone say, you follow your rhythm the most you can, and it is good to always have something to fall back into when you get off course.

Habits serve us better by not feeling so strict about them.

It takes admitting that I cannot do everything as well as I want to.  But we CAN do a few things we can do really well.

Freedom to you sisters in your daily habits and in your not so daily ones.

Consider this your permission slip…

Recently on a podcast I heard how the guest wrote down one thing each day she would give herself permission to do or not to do.  Remember how wonderful it felt back in school to have a permission slip to do something? Well, now, it is our turn to give ourselves permission slips! We can consider it caring for our thoughts and our inner dialogue.  I bully myself too often in my thoughts. I want to be my own best friend in my thoughts and here is one way I can do that.

Here are some I have written so far this year…

I have permission to not follow my own plan.  It is ok that my day does not go like I have planned.  Interruptions can sometimes be the best part of my day.

I have permission to not always be ok.  I can feel sad or mad.  I am not a horrible person if I am bad and something is not terribly wrong if I am sad.  Often, if I allow myself feel what I am feeling instead of trying to make it all better right away, I find it passes in a shorter time.

I have permission to be where I am right now.

We have permission to have no idea what or where our life is headed.  This was so liberating!  I am not expected to know everything.  God does. He knows what is ahead and will tell me when I need to know.

I have permission to not figure everything out.  I usually try to.  But, I don’t have to.

I have permission to do things in new ways or try new things.  I get into such a habit of doing things how I alway have.  

I have permission to be still and know you are God.  I really do not have to try solve everything right now.  I can be still and know God, you have it covered.

I have permission to not worry and to let things go.  What?  I don’t have worry?!!  That is the best news ever. “Do not worry about anything…” says our Father God. I also do not have to hang onto things, I can give them to God, so my burden is light. We really, really can. I have begun picturing in my mind God holding his hand out to me so I can put my worries in them. You can steal that image if you want to.

And more to come….what about you?

My Favorite things in January 2019

The first month of 2019 is beginning to wind down. I have decided this year I am going to share my favorites things about each month. As one that always liked filling in the blanks of my favorite color or book and the list goes on, this will be my online version. When I filled out those blanks in the past, I would sometimes put a few answers for each blank because I have a difficult time narrowing it down to only one little answer! This year since my phrase for the year is, “Less is More”, I will only share three to five things, activities, moments, as simply as I can. Here I go!

  1. Yoga With Adriene This lady has been a regular in our home through her youtube video sessions since my husband found her for me two years ago. Yoga has been a game changer for me mentally, emotionally and physically. Plus, she is funny, so that helps. The Fall was busy so I began dropping my daily morning yoga. I decided to pick it up again nearly daily at the beginning of the month, and now I remember again why I appreciate it so much. It is my new morning coffee.
  2. A Slow Beginning. We entered into this month slowly after the speed that December always surprises me with. My husband was still off of work for the first week. We stayed home a lot. We played in the snow for two weekends. I took a break from Instagram. We started one new homeschool subject every week, besides reading books, because we are always reading. Reading slows me down. It has been really wonderful. I was even bored at times, which was a treat!
  3. Exploring a plant-based diet. I really never thought I would say that. Hamburgers are one of my favorite foods. Around the same time, my husband and my naturopath suggested a break from eggs and meat as something I haven’t tried for the inflammation in my bladder and in my sinuses. I came home crying. I have changed my diet several times, but I was always able to keep meat in my diet. It is how I meal plan, a chicken meal, a beef meal and so on. I am reading and I cannot say what this will look like in the long run, but right now I know I want plants to be the focus of what I put in my body. The PlantPower Way: Whole Food Plant-based recipes and Guidance for the Whole Family by Rich Roll and Julie Piatt has been the first cookbook that has encouraged me on this journey.
  4. Working on a craft each Saturday. A time to sit and craft. I have a scarf I am knitting and embroidery I am making at the moment. I have a few moments to do something like this at night but I appreciate this more open-ended time to do it, as long as the kids allow me to. Wink. Wink.

Embracing the Freedom.

As mamas, we are all fine artists.  It is the dance of teaching our children the fine discipline of following through with a schedule and allowing your kids freedom to follow their bursts of creativity and imagination. Here is an example from last night.  I’m in the kitchen washing the stack of dishes that have piled up. I said I would be only fifteen minutes, but then they began building a boat out of blankets. They are working together, creating a plan, and there is no way I’m going to barge in.  This is sacred space. My planned agenda, doesn’t compare.

I tell my kids what we are going to do,and then they become lost in play, their highest purpose in my opinion.  What is a mama to do? I am faced with this decision often, probably daily, and sometimes many times in one day.  How about you? I have made choices and sometimes they contradict each other. There is no right answer. We want that, right?   But friend, there simply isn’t one right answer. In our first year of homeschooling, I forced so much. When, I didn’t, I felt such shame.  In this third year, I am receiving the day as it is more, with all its “so called” interruptions. They are not interruptions, but worthy endeavors.  They are what our kids and can I dare say us, have been made for. There is a time and a place for both. The discipline of working through math problems in the morning.  The “we will still do handwriting even if you do not want to do it” thing. In this case, it was the evening, and I let the play ensue. They are getting along after all! And what is more important than “socialization” right?  I want to assure you, as well as myself, You make beautiful and wonderful decisions mama. You do.

The freedom as a homeschool mom can be both amazing and overwhelming at the same time.  Sometimes it depends on what day or season it is, or dare I say, my current emotional state.  Here are some words to remind you of the good in this freedom:

You are not limited to doing homeschool in your house the same way every day.  Has Math been a struggle? Try it at a different time of the day. Do it in a different way.  Put a timer on for 15 minutes, so your little one knows there is an end to what might feel like torture to them.  It is amazing how much you can do when you have a focused child. Play a game that includes numbers and call that math for one day a week.  I have seen when we take a break from school,even only one subject, my children naturally navigate back to what sparks their wonder. They learn so much more when they think they have initiated it.  You really can switch it up. As someone that likes doing things the same way, I need that reminder, and maybe you do too.

Find your rhythm, what works for your kids as well as yourself.  What worked last year may not work this year. It does not have to look anything like anyone else’s.  It can be helpful to get ideas from friends or Instagram. It can also be helpful to let go of what everyone else is doing (Take a break from social media) and watch your children, and be honest with yourself.  Take notes on what works well and what does not. Then, ditch what doesn’t work well (Yes, even if everyone else is doing it) and keep what does work for your family.

Limits or Boundaries can be your best friend.  We have speech this year for my son at one two afternoons a week.  I was not thrilled about this. That meant all school and lunch needed to be done by this time.  That hour before is much more of a hustle than I would like, but it has been a surprise gift to have this limit.  We have a reason to get all of our school done so we can play or run errands after speech. I have that hour while my son is in speech with my daughter, so I get one on one time with her where we learn and play just the two of us, outside of our house.  This feeds my soul as well. I am not torn between “getting things done” with looking my daughter straight in the eye!

Here’s to embracing the freedom we both love and hate for the simple fact that we have the gift of freedom.

Here’s to embracing days that feel off and discovering the unique joy that can be found in them.

Here’s to receiving this season in your family’s life because it will never be again.

Here’s to choosing to dance this dance and knowing you have many mamas around you dancing a similar dance and you are not without partners my dear mama.

Receive this season of homeschooling…

As I lay on my couch one afternoon, a thought came to my mind in the rare moment of quiet in the house.  

Perhaps sisters, it’s about receiving your homeschool, in other words, your children, in the exact season that you are in right now.  It is not about where you want to be but where you already are. Dreaming, setting goals and having hopes have their place. I have many dreams for our homeschool, but when I am honest, I can often focus more on the dreams than the now.  It is easier because you do not have the challenges in your dreams!

It’s not about crafting the perfect homeschool year with all the best books and manipulatives.  Those are amazing, but they will not be amazing if they do not fit with your family, your very own kids, in this very season.  Allow me to elaborate.

If you have a baby, it probably is not the time to try out intensive curriculums, that you or your children do not already know how to use yet.  You will not have a lot of time to prepare for them. Instead, it’s probably more of a time to keep it as simple as you possibly can. Read books.  Let the audiobooks read while you are able to nurse the baby. Your rhythm may have to follow the baby for a time, until the baby can fit into the rhythm of your family.

In this season you might be working part-time.  No, it’s not ideal, but your family needs the extra money.  We are all facing our own not ideal situations. You get three full days of being with your kids, and you fit the majority of your homeschooling into this time.  It’s during those days that you choose to be hands on with your kids. This is when you do the hands on science experiments your son loves. You save the children’s independent work mainly for the two days you are at work.

So, really your first step is to know the season that you are in.  Focus on what you do have. We often focus too much on what we dream of having.

Instead, when we begin homeschooling, we research and gather all the information we can.  We look to other mamas on Instagram that we admire and we try to model them. We make a list of all the books we are supposed to read, and collect curriculums like kids do stuffed animals.  We think it means success.

We forget to ask ourselves, what season am I in?  What am I truly able to do? How am I wired? What do my children need right now?  What do I need right now? Ask these questions and others that come to mind, dear friend.

Then, each season reexamine your heart, mind and season.  Ask the questions again.

What if we redefine what success means for us?  We are homeschoolers after all. What if success means a peaceful home and children who will open a book anytime they have a spare moment?  Decide what success means to you and your family. It does not have to be Instagram worthy either.

You are the mother they need.  You are also the teacher they need.

We all think we are not enough.  We think, that other mama, she has it all together.  We wonder wouldn’t my child be better with her?

No, they would not.

They were given you.

Homeschool as only YOU can.  This is why I am writing this right now.  This may seem obvious. It does, when we think about it.  But, honestly, this was quite the revelation for me as I lay on my couch, and this is my third year of teaching!

Our  years most of the time don’t look like our plans. Why, don’t we actually receive the season we are in?  Perhaps, a dream you have, is meant for another season. Put it on a shelf in your mind and mark it for later.  Some plans we may use for later and some may grow new and different wings.

I am coming along.

I wake early, before the sun even rises, and I lie in my bed half trying to go back to sleep in that warm spot and half, thinking, feeling and talking to God.  I am pretty sure he woke me up, because on my own, I don’t do that well. Although, I would appreciate more sleep, my mind appreciates this time in the quiet. My soul needs it even more in this season.  


What I am thinking, feeling and talking to God about is my current loneliness.  I am grieving my dad, and sometimes it’s difficult to know what to do with this grief and the strong feelings.  I have desires for more community around our family,and for deeper connection to dear friends. There doesn’t have to be a multitude of people, I just need to know they have my back.  People that I can text and receive a text quickly back. People I can see regularly and maybe even weekly. I know people are busy, but why are we SO busy? I have thought about beginning some type of gathering but I have talked myself out of it.  I am praying again. But, do I start, when I don’t even know if we are going to stay here?

I acknowledge that I have had some of these same feelings before.  In the waiting season when we were not sure where we were going to live a year and a half ago.  When we lived in our first house together and walking the journey of being content with that house.  These feelings are not entirely new, but they are frustrating just the same! I do feel that we are waiting, waiting for our next right step.  There is this frustration of wondering where it will be. I am not even entirely sure that I have a hope of where I want to be.


What do I want?  I want to know where we will stay and set down roots.  I want solid friendships. I know now to call them hope champions,a term used from Danny Silk’s soultime app.  These are people that always speak hope to us and we get to speak hope right back to them. I want to have purpose or  a mission as a family that is clear. I want to know a house is officially ours and we have freedom to make it our own I want a wee bit of money to be able to do that!  I want to live simply, have less stuff, but have it be quality. I want, I want, I want. Perhaps, I have just caught myself being lost in discontentment. It so easily catches us right?  I have stepped away a bit from the media that feeds it, and maybe I am just seeing where I have actually been.


I have power to stop the cycle.  Oh, I can dream! I can hope. But, I can also, be right where I am, on this Tuesday.


Emily P. Freeman says in her book Simply Tuesday, “And we won’t be so naive as to try to make the hard times beautiful, but we will have faith that the hard days are making us, remaking us, and forming us into the likeness of Christ.  Let’s take back moments that are lovely even if they are imperfect, words that are powerful even if only one person hears them…”


I do not have to make what is hard at the moment into something beautiful.  Emily, gave me that permission. He will do that himself. He will. I can trust that right now when I don’t see it.  But, I can always search and call out what is beautiful right now. The antidote to my endless wants.

What is beautiful are my two children who are always eager to be with me, especially my little five year old shadow.  She was by my side only minutes ago. What is beautiful is that I get to teach them daily and to watch what interests them and makes them come alive.  I absolutely love this. What is a beautiful, is my husband, who supports me and does so much for me and never ever belittles me for any of my quirks. The neighborhood that is around us has such lovely tall trees and it is a great place to go for walks.  We are near so much, and we have had opportunities that I so appreciate.


Sometimes, we might want things that we are not yet ready for.  Can I allow myself to be prepared? Can I wait? Can I know even during this season there are good things growing within myself?  Can I believe in the unseen? Can I be imperfect, and be ok with that? I mean, I know that I am, but often, when I am honest, I want to appear perfect.  


The sun officially rises and Jesse and I both sneak out of our bed by 7:30.  I am going to write. Write when I have a fresh mind, instead of tired one.


I find that the internet actually does work in the corner of the basement.  I stop to admire the latest lego creation from my boy, that is so very detailed and of course amazing.  I give my girl a hug. I read the words from Simply Tuesday above, and I also read, “I’m exploring what it looks like to release my obsession with building a life and embrace the life Christ is building in me, one small Tuesday at a time.  I hope you’ll come along.”


I am coming along.

On Home.

Here are some thoughts that I wrote over a year ago while we were in what we call “Our year of moving” in 2017.  We moved three times in 2017 and that of course was not our plan.  This was written after our first move, after we found out that our landlord has sold the house, even though we had a year lease.  It is not fully fleshed out ideas, but we are all on a journey and why can’t we share when we are in the messy middle?  On this Mother’s Day, let’s think about homes, where we do most of our mothering…


I love the moment when both kids are in their rooms for naptime and it is only me and quiet, well sometimes.  Sometimes there is a child upstairs singing or talking.  So, I love the moment when its only me.  Then, I hear the dryer going downstairs.  There is something calming to hearing the washer or dryer work and know you are getting things done without actually having to do them.  In this moment, after our first real homeschool day in the new house, I finally feel at  home since moving from Cairo.  My mind wants to rush to the future, to the plans up ahead, but when you do know where your home will be in two months, you cannot really plan.  You have to be in the present, the place where I have been working to be, in the right now.  So, this is a great time to practice being present.  Right now we have a home and I am grateful.  We do not have everything unpacked, yet we have everything we need.


As we did school today, and played outside in the snow, I saw how this house felt even more like a home.  It is time that makes a home.  It is shared time and memories that make a home.  Then anywhere, a tent, an RV or a whole house could all be homes….and so could cardboard boxes, right?  Not that I want to live in one of those this summer…


It is interesting that we often think HOME as a stationary place as in a house, that has a foundation,and trees around it.  We think of that classic picture that children draw.  It is what I have thought.  It is what I have desired.  I have desired a house more often than a home.  As I have been growing in my love for cultivating a home, a place where we all feel freedom, rest and nourishment, I see it’s about freedom, intentionality but also letting go.  This season feels like letting go.  We let go of our home, but really, our house in Cairo.  We do not have that shell that held our home, but we have our home.  We have each other.  Yes, it is true in one sense that things, like candles, pictures and your favorite chair make a home but really people make a home.  We make our home.  The four of us make our home.  Wherever WE are, we are home.


This feels a little crazy to even type, these are new waters of thought that I am stepping out in but it’s what I am beginning to realize.  I love looking at houses and I love decorating houses, even though most of the time it is decorating in my mind.  When I was in middle school my goal was to be an interior designer (Hmm, side thought, what if I was to be an interior designer for the soul, for the heart?).  I have always watched home shows whenever I would be near cable or look at house magazines.  I love houses in other words.  I do not think there  is anything wrong with houses.  I have a dream for a house and some land that we could really call ours and that we could dig our roots deeply in.  But perhaps as much as this isn’t my favorite, maybe I needed this unrooted season.  The sale of this house was a complete surprize but with the overall peace we have had, I sense God with us.  By letting go of our old house, which was a journey of its own, I am not attached to this new house in the same way.  We haven’t  found any rented house.  We are waiting.  I am unable to say where we will lay our heads after May 14th but I am convinced that God is and will be faithful to us.(And He has been!)


Wherever we will be, we will be home if we are together.  When we have traveled we would be at a new place often but we learned to make that place home for as long as we were there, whether that is a night or a week.  Our home, was essentially our car, as the four of us were doing our thing on the road, it was my favorite place to be.  As we shut the doors to the car, I felt that feeling that we were home.  It was not beautiful or even  decorated at all.  Since we learned that we were moving, I stopped unpacking.  I had unpacked some pictures before then but this home is so much more bare than our old house.   I am not even sure that I remember it all the things we have packed away.


After being in the new house for two months now I feel much more at home here.  At the beginning I had a lot of reasons why I did not like it.  I see now that time is a beautiful teacher.  In time, the parts of the house become more normal because you have been around them.  Yes, it is still not the most effective house but we have adjusted.  This is such an important lesson.  We can adjust.  I just realized that in total we will only have lived here for three months and it is amazing that it already feels like we have been here so much longer.  When you live daily life in a place, it becomes home much more quickly than you would think.


Everything within me wants to set up all the nooks and crannies, have a place for art, and a place for everything.  I want to be incredibly efficient and have systems within our home for everything.  A place for shoes, a place for jackets, this is all great.  Underneath this fine desire, is one that is not so fine.  I want security.  I actually want to create my OWN security through my wonderful organization plans.  Oh, these systems can be helpful but they are not my security.  My security is in God, who made the entire world.  I cannot make the world or keep it spinning and tonight I was reminded I cannot even do it with my own life either.


But, why not make a place for now?  Why not make a place feel like HOME for today?  The children make places for now, with no thought in planning forever.  They made a place in the little cubby underneath the stairs with only two unpacked boxes that they call a computer.  It is what they call their office.  They made a place that they enjoy for right now.  I can do the same.

contentment + the simple life

The rhythm of official schoolwork has been lessening as the springtime weather has truly begun. We’ve begun our days outside. Bare feet in the grass and allowing the sun to kiss our cheeks. Yoga in the open air for me and a place for my kids to run and make believe. We meander back inside for nourishment, a bit of conversation, reading books and before I know it, if I pause for a moment too long, my kids are outside before I can say STOP. But really, do I want to say STOP?


I am learning that our rhythms of a family work best when they mirror the season of the year. We want to be close and cozy in the winter. There is plenty of time for schoolwork because our days are largely spent indoors. But, now in the spring we want to wander, explore and spread our wings. We need wiggle room in our schedules to sit and stare. I am feeling that more lately as the pace of our life has sped up with the finishing up of things before the summer.
Watching my children, there’s nothing like spring contentment. The contentment of simply being. The contentment of play, of exploring, of being outside after the “confinement” of winter.

Contentment has come to my mind recently. Honestly, its not something I think about often. Overall, I am so very content. I have a husband I love, we have been blessed with two amazing and sometimes challenging children who fill up my days and I am doing what I have always wanted to do. I get to be a wife, mom and teacher. I write a little. I dabble in creative endeavors when possible. These are all things I love.  So, I am content now, right? I used to really struggle with the lack of it back in college though.

As this thought of contentment has pushed its way back into my awareness, I have realized that I may not be thinking about it but it may come to play in my life. I do think often how I want more clothes, a particular pair of shoes, an art supply item or something I think my kids would really enjoy. Most of these items are not things that I REALLY need. I love beauty and I am attracted to beautiful items. I will think about the item, find it on amazon or a website and put it on my mental list to purchase when and if we have the funds. We have had to make choices with being a one income family and this is not always very easy for me to keep up with.  Amazon most certainly does not help.

I have thought of it from the perspective of worry but not in terms of contentment.  I tend to fixate on something for a bit until maybe something else more pressing comes to mind.

If I am content with what I have, would I want more?

Why do I want more?

We have been on a journey to simplicity both physically and internally for years. It isn’t until today that I have connected the idea of having more with less or having a simple life with contentment.

Yet, I have what I need. Actually, I have more than I need.

This week I have seen God provide very specifically. I do not have to worry.

Can I be content with what God has given me in this season? There will be other seasons of life just like there are different weather seasons. But I have what I need for this season. He will give me what I need in other seasons too. He really will. Often, He gives me more.

What if I wake up each day, thanking him that I have what I need and putting into his hands what I do need?

I am processing this while I am writing friends. Therefore, there is no huge conclusion except perhaps this has been the missing puzzle peace in our living simply. I have no need to buy more if I am content and therefore our houses and our lives stay simple. I tend to want the most I can pack in. The most library books I can carry. Packing  the most into our day that I think I can handle, but I really can’t. I have made progress. But something with this realization really strikes close to my heart.

Tonight, I stay open to hear the voice of my Father in this. I am here. I am present. And so is He. We are in this together. And that is all I need to know.

Sitting with Jesus for normal people

A few weeks ago I wrote on Habits and I thought I would delve deeper into my habit of spending time with Jesus today….

Most mornings one of the first things that I do is to sit up in bed and sit with God.   I need his presence.  I need to know that I am not alone and by sitting with him I remember that He is with me.  I slowly wake up, allowing myself to stay under my covers probably too long, and then after a trip to the potty(as quietly as I can tip toe so I don’t wake up my kiddos),  I sit up in bed.  I slowly allow my mind to wake up as I stare out the window in front of me.  Sometimes I have an hour (these are my favorite times) and other times I have five minutes because my children are already awake and I have told them that Mommy needs at least five minutes with Jesus.


This morning, I finished my time with both of my children on my lap.  I say this to let you know that this is not a perfect process.  Far from it.  I am not the devotion Queen.  Actually,  I don’t even like calling it that.  I am a quality time and words of affirmation in the love languages that most fill me up.  Spending time with Jesus covers both of those love languages.  It is something I have decided is important so I try to do it everyday.


It now feels like a special time that is just mine and His.  Sometimes I feel a smile come to my face simply sitting up and doing nothing for a few minutes.  It can be hard to just sit, but even if it’s for a moment, its powerful.  Honestly, I can get more from letting Him be God by sitting, its as if He is infusing me with strength.  “Be still and know He is God” this is how I begin.


Then, I usually have a book or a bible study to go through.  I am better with a loose plan because then I stay with it.  I have something to tangibly hold.  I have something that might even have fill in the blanks and being a natural student this works for me.  There usually is a scripture within the material that jumps off the page to me and then I will stay with it longer.


Last week I remembered how much I have liked meditating on scripture in the past.  I haven’t done it in a while so why not return to it?  I wondered what to meditate on.  I always seem to return to John 15.  I get the basic gist of the passage but the details are still a mystery to me.   John 15 it was.


He says, “Abide in me and I will abide in you.”  I have tried to wrap my mind around this for awhile to no avail.  Then, I came to this version, “Live in me, as I live in you.”  This is more relatable to me.


Live in me.


Generally, I wonder, how in the world can I live in God?  Live in me.  I have repeated this phrase when I remember it through the day.  Often, it is when I am on the toilet!  Being honest here.  I am a mom and sometimes the bathroom is a quiet place, where I stop and actually remember to meditate on this verse!  As I have, it has become less overwhelming or impossible feeling.  Live in me as I teach my kids.  Live in me as I wash the dishes.  Live with me.  Allow your Father God to join you as you do your daily things and you are with your people.  Give your Father permission to be your homebase.  He is your beginning place and your end.  He is your all.  Live in me.


As I live in you.  The God of the universe lives IN me.  I believe this is something we are never meant to wrap my mind around.  It is something to sit in awe with.  It is something to figuratively hold hands with and take comfort in.  He lives in me.  This is why I am never alone, because I really am not.  As I live in you.  As I try to new things or walk through new territory for me, He is with me.  I have his power in me.  The other day was one of those overwhelming days with my kids where I had to remember this parenting gig is a process, and not done in a day.  It was during this day that I remembered God has patience as one of his fruit and since He is in me, I have it too.  His patience is in me.  As I live in you.


The crazy thing is the more I live in God, such as meditating on this verse, the more He lives in me, because His words, His heart is in me.   I am not here to talk theology, my mind is not wired that way but more in relationship.  What I do know is the more of me, the more time I spend with God, the more He is realized in me.


This relationship is worth pursuing is basically what I am using all of these words to tell you.


Wondering how you can fit time in your day to sit with God?


Begin small.  Give what time you have.  I have sat with God during my first child’s naptime.  At that time I had never had a regular morning habit.  When I had my second child, that time disappeared, so in one stage I would put my baby in her baby swing while my older one napped so I could have that time.  When the kids are eating breakfast or right after you put the kids in bed could be other times.  Do you commute?  Listen to a audio Bible, then stop it and meditate on it.  Pray from it.  See where there is a crack in your day and begin with five minutes for a month.  Then move on from there.  Try different times until one sticks.


Be You.  You may not be a sitting type of person.  Go on a walk with worship music or an audio bible and stop it when a line or verse feels like what you need right now.  Turn it off and as you walk or run meditate on it.  Then, pray it.  Perhaps you like using your hands.  Have a Bible close by to your craft project or your kitchen sink.  As you are washing dishes or knitting that line, read a verse, meditate on it and pray.  Remember who you are, what you love and meet with God right there.


Be forgiving. There will be days you sleep too late.  That is me.  There will be days you may forget or days that are so very full.  Forgive yourself.  Do not linger in shame but wrap yourself in grace.  You are ok.  You are still loved by your Father.  It’s not about performance or accomplishment but about being present with God.  So, right when you feel the yuck of shame, begin again right there.  You can always begin again.


I will say that again, you can always begin again.

Live in me, and I live with you.  There, that is your invitation.