a permission slip for you

As I sat reading, a thought began to form in my brain.  It was actually a grand realization.  I love it when an idea seems to grab you and it won’t let you go.  Slowly, the thought came into words.   I don’t have to have an answer.  I really don’t.  I don’t always have to have an answer to give people or even myself.  I do not have to know everything.  Gosh, when did I begin to think that I had to?!

That is so freeing because normally I feel like I need to have an answer.   I feel like I need to have an answer to what we are doing in the future or where we are going to live.  I need to have an answer to my whole thought process toward our homeschooling journey or to some other area in life.  I feel like I need to explain myself to everyone.  And I don’t.

 

Recently, I felt like I needed to have a final end date to our homeschool year.  Since my husband has been a teacher for the last six years and I have lived most of my life with the school calendar I think this felt like a given.  But, it doesn’t have to be!  Whoa.  So, I have surrendered a concrete end date to our year.  I have realized since education is a lifestyle it will be more of a flowy thing, with rather blurry ending and starting dates.  We will go on our road trip, which will be one big learning experience.  When we come back, we will continue where we left off, coming inside when its too hot to be outside.  We can follow the natural season and be still to listen to the season that God has us in as well.  We will keep on going and finish the books we have begun and then move on.  Every summer, I want this neat and tidy plan, and it never works that way.   But, we do find ourselves into a rhythm.  So, I won’t know all the answers for this summer, and I don’t have to.  I can have some dreams, hopes, goals and must finish items.  And that is ok too.

 

Sometimes I need to give myself a giant permission slip.  This is what this essay is, a permission slip for you to not have an answer when you think you need to.  You don’t.  Amen.

a morning habit

Habits.  This has been a word on my heart and mind for the last couple of years.  I desire healthy habits for my children AND myself.  Habits are wonderful.  The day to day building of these habits?  Perhaps not as wonderful!  😉  Habits take dedication, discipline and doing things you sometimes don’t want to do.  Don’t tell my children I just said that.

Slowly, I have built a morning rhythm.  One habit on top of each other.  I make my bed, wash my face and do yoga, most days.  Sometimes I trade yoga for a shower.

My most important habit though?  It is what I do, first thing, after I have allowed my mind and body to wake up.  This sometimes takes long or short, it depends on the day.  I am a slow morning person.  I sit up in my bed.  Sometimes I light a candle and most days I open my curtains so I can stare at the world outside.  I sit back down and reach for my Bible, journal and current bible study.  I sit with Jesus.

When my first was little I would sit with Jesus during his first morning nap.  He was a glorious nap-taker and I would have one nap to sit with Jesus, one nap for something creative and then sometimes another one to do, I cannot even remember anymore!  So much free time!  It was when I had my second child that this all changed.  She was an early riser and not much of a nap taker.  Sometimes I would put her in the baby swing during my son’s nap so I could look at my bible then.  It was when she was one, that I realized if I wanted to fit in things that were important to me, I would have to start making new time for them, I would have to begin new habits.  I began with five minute yoga routines and even then my kids were crawling over me!  I learned that I could not even get out of bed to do my time with Jesus because otherwise I would get distracted and start cleaning something.  It was then, that I put my Bible and journal right by my bed.  Genius, right?!

Sometimes I wake up an hour before my kids get up.  Sometimes it is five minutes.  Sometimes I have to tell them to play for ten minutes while I sit with Jesus.  I love the hour times with God, they are amazing.  This year has not been a regular one hour times with God and I have had to give myself grace.  But, guess what?  Even, if I only have five minutes with Him, the verse I read, has power.  I can feel his presence, and just knowing or remembering with me, makes all the difference.  I need this long or short time of remembering that my Father is with me and remembers me.

This verse from the Psalms has shouted to me this week, “Let the Morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my Life.”  Each morning, by showing up, I allow my Father to bring me word of his unfailing love.  I need to hear it every morning.

Building habits allow space for God to speak in them.  Building habits is a process, day by day.  Building habits are so worth it.  Give yourself room to mess up (I am speaking to myself here too) and allow room to see what beauty grows out of these habits.  Amen.

Words for Today.

“Start by doing what is necessary, then, what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the IMPOSSIBLE.”     – St. Francis of Assisi

“Our goal should be to live life in radical amazement, to get up in the morning and look at the world in a way that takes nothing for granted.  Everything is phenomenal; everything is incredible; never treat life casually.  To be spiritual is to be amazed.” – Abraham Joshua Heschel

😉

NEW

Even on a cloudy day as it is today, my spring self is ready for new.  There is something about staring at the bare branches of trees for enough days that you are more than ready to see that tiny green bud appear on the branches.  When you spot a tree or bush flowering it is like finding the greatest treasure. Oh, I see color! I see petals of yellow or pink! I saw both last week.  I cannot help myself but to write about spring again this week because it is what is stirring hope in me.   I think the bird songs are what begin to stir up our hope for new.  While it is still cold, the birds begin their songs, cheering us up that something new is around the corner.

Spring means new in my mind.  They are one and the same. It is not only in nature that I begin to witness signs of new, but I feel it within myself too.  I am ready to go outside with the freedom of no shoes, or at least sandals and without the burden of a heavy winter coat. I have more motivation within me for beginning or trying something new.  New seems more possible now than it does in the middle of winter. Perhaps, it is really the birds cheering me on that new things are indeed possible within me too. Spring almost feels like another new year, doesn’t it?  It feels like another chance to take a step towards a dream or to go after that thing that has only been a thought in the back of my mind.

 

There are words that keep coming back into my thoughts as I have a moment to pause.  They are, “Whoever is in Christ is a NEW CREATION, The old way of living has disappeared.  A NEW way of living has come into existence”.*

 

I have heard this verse before.  But, somehow, right now, this spring, I can actually receive them.  I love how we can read the same words in the Bible, but all of a sudden they are completely new to our ears, minds and imaginations.  They really are living, they are what we need right in that season.

 

In this spring of 2018 I guess I need to hear that NEW is possible.  That new is possible for me, even in the areas that seem stubborn to change.  This new does not feel scary, like change often does, but this new feels right, like jeans that fit just perfectly.

 

I am a new creation.  You are a new creation. There are no limits, the new belongs to whoever is in Christ.  If you are not in Christ, well, come right in, and say yes to this Jesus Christ who welcomes new for everyone.  Our old way of living has disappeared. Our old patterns of shame, guilt, negative self talk or whatever yuck you have agreed with in the past have disappeared my friend.  It is no longer. We are not stuck. A NEW way living has come into existence. This new way of living is one of love, forgiveness, healing, and growth. It is good.

 

You are a new creation.

 

I am a new creation.

 

Oh Father, may that sink in deeper than anything else.  May the old way not feel strong any longer but give us the strength to say no to that old way when it tries to come knock on our door.  It no longer belongs to us. You have overcome it! It is not our reality anymore! Yay! The new way of living, your way living, your way of love is now here and with us.  We say yes completely to this NEW way. Amen.

 

*From 2 Corinthians 5:16-21

Open.

As I walk out our side door this afternoon with my kids, I breathe in the fresh air as an elixir.  As one who has been stuck in the house for a week with what we can only guess as the flu, the blue sky, the trees and the grass feel like an open expanse of freedom to me.  I look into the sky and feel like I could get lost in it, in a good way.

I have never had a “word for the year” before but this year I decided to try it.  I decided if one came easily I would try it, but if none came, I wouldn’t force it.  So, on my couch one afternoon, vulnerable came to mind.  I have desired in this season to be vulnerable, something that is so not always easy, right?  But vulnerable felt like kind of a complex word to focus on so I looked up vulnerable in Webster.  One of the synonyms for vulnerable was the word open.  This was much more simple and easier to focus my mind on.  So, OPEN, it was.  Being open feels scary in a way but then it is also very much like the blue sky that I stared into this afternoon.  It is freedom.  This is what I want, freedom.

May I…

Be open to days looking different or seasons not meeting my expectations.  For that matter,may I be open to let go of expectations when I realize I even have them.  This is what I realized I needed to do this very morning.

Be open to lingering longer with a kid at bedtime, does rushing make it really go any faster?  Yes, I want my own time.  Perhaps being open is really saying yes.  Saying yes to what is important.  In this case, its saying yes to the sacred moments before bed with my child.  My own time is important too, but I do see when I don’t try to rush, it goes pretty much at the same speed but my soul is in a better place!

Be open to go slower when I want to go fast and go fast when I want to go slow.

Be open to the different, CHANGE, the uncomfortable, the good,and the truth.

Be open to love and the Word and looking in the eye when I want to look away.

Be open to imperfection, and the rest and beauty it will bring.  Perfection is not all what it is cracked up to be.

Be open to think new thoughts.

Be open to be gentle with myself when I want to be my own harsh critic.  Can I not choose to be my own cheerleader already?!

Be open for things to be better and more beautiful than I could ever imagine.

Anna McParlan of @alonginlandsea on Instagram said this, “We grow most in the seasons of surrender-when we release our clenched fists and let God plant exactly what He wants in our open hands.  It will bloom in its time.  It always does.”.

Yes to that.  So, here I am, with my open hands, my open heart and my open mind.    Here I am, open.

 

Living like you.

I have always been slow.  Slow in the way that I naturally take my time, especially when I begin something.  When morning comes, I slowly make my way out of bed.  When night comes, I slowly get ready for bed.  My husband says he is going to bed, and his body is actually in bed within minutes.  I say the same thing and it could be twenty minutes later and then I am REALLY in bed.  I wash my face, brush my teeth and perhaps read a little something.   What about the rest of the day in between?  When, I can, I prefer the slow, lingering and pondering kind of life.

 

When I was a kid I am not sure I would have known that I was slow except that I remember my stepmom giving me exercises that were aimed at helping me to increase my my speed.  I don’t think they worked.  I also strongly remember greatly disliking timed multiplication tests.  Now, this makes sense, because I was not able to go slow.  I had to go as fast as I could, and this felt against how I do things naturally. It was against how I was created.  As a child in second grade I couldn’t have processed that, but I knew it felt horrible to me.

 

Since becoming an adult I have learned how to speed up my natural slow tendency.  Now, I am a mother, so sometimes my little people are ready for food NOW or I have to get my kids moving so I can switch my speed to fast when I need to.  Sometimes I have to go fast for their sake.

 

My son.  We arrive home and park our car in our driveway.  We all get out, and my son is still thinking of getting out.  Actually, he might not even be thinking about getting out.  Today, I was explaining the longer it takes us to get into the car, the less time we will have at the Lego building time at the library.  I know he had this in mind, but he still was in his carseat a minute or so until he thought, “Oh!  I should buckle up because we cannot go until I do and I want to go build with Legos.”  I know this, because I was watching him, and I saw when the “aha” went on in his head and he began to buckle up.

 

When I am rushed I forget things.  When I go fast I drop things or I do stupid things I would never do if I went slow and thoughtfully.  For example,I have been known to leave the exact thing I went to a store for, in the bag next to the checkout counter, for the sake of rushing to the next place.  This hasn’t only happened once.  I am not at my best when I go fast.

 

What I have discovered , is that I am better when I mother slow.  When I am rushed, I say and do things I wish I had not.  I am impatient with my kids…and myself.  I live better when I move slow.  When I am not rushing to one place and then another.  When I am intentional about what I choose for myself or my family and what I choose not to do.  When I am able to limit what I do, then I CAN do it slower.  This is a work in progress my friends.

 

The way YOU have been made is important and worthy of practice.  You may not be slow.  You may live better when you are in community.  Surround yourself with people.  Invite people into your home.  Live, what feels natural to you.  I am sharing my slow example that it may be a highlighter to highlight something in you, something you may have forgotten has been you ever since you were a child.  You do not have to grow out of it but rather to see how to grow into it.

 

When I live slow, I am able to see, I mean really see my children, my husband or the person that is in front of me.  Living slow to me means not rushing from activity to activity or thought to thought but lingering where you are.

 

When I live slow, I am able to listen, I mean really listen to the words of my children or to the words of my Heavenly Father.  Yesterday, as I was putting my daughter to bed for the second time, I was ready to be off parenting duty for the evening.  As her arms and body were wrapped around mine, she exclaimed, “You’re the best mommy in the WHOLE world!”  I heard it physically with my ears, but it did not register in my mind or heart.  As my head was laying on my pillow a while later, that is when the words my daughter spoke finally entered my heart.  I want to hear the words of the ones I love and to look them straight into their eyes.  It may not happen every time, but most of the time, may I be living slowly enough to hear them.

 

May this be your permission slip to live slow or according to how you have been made.

…Words of Life

Dear One,

Jesus stopped for the one, he will stop for you.  He is never too busy.  He always has the time for you.

He pays attention to me, and he will pay attention to you.  He doesn’t play favorites, but yet, you are his favorite.

Jesus is your help,your healer and he takes delight in you.  He is there at all hours of the day and in every circumstance.  He doesn’t shake his head at you when you make mistakes but he looks you straight in the eyes and he smiles at you, because you make him smile.  You do.  You really do.

Walk in these words of life today.