As I sat reading, a thought began to form in my brain. It was actually a grand realization. I love it when an idea seems to grab you and it won’t let you go. Slowly, the thought came into words. I don’t have to have an answer. I really don’t. I don’t always have to have an answer to give people or even myself. I do not have to know everything. Gosh, when did I begin to think that I had to?!
That is so freeing because normally I feel like I need to have an answer. I feel like I need to have an answer to what we are doing in the future or where we are going to live. I need to have an answer to my whole thought process toward our homeschooling journey or to some other area in life. I feel like I need to explain myself to everyone. And I don’t.
Recently, I felt like I needed to have a final end date to our homeschool year. Since my husband has been a teacher for the last six years and I have lived most of my life with the school calendar I think this felt like a given. But, it doesn’t have to be! Whoa. So, I have surrendered a concrete end date to our year. I have realized since education is a lifestyle it will be more of a flowy thing, with rather blurry ending and starting dates. We will go on our road trip, which will be one big learning experience. When we come back, we will continue where we left off, coming inside when its too hot to be outside. We can follow the natural season and be still to listen to the season that God has us in as well. We will keep on going and finish the books we have begun and then move on. Every summer, I want this neat and tidy plan, and it never works that way. But, we do find ourselves into a rhythm. So, I won’t know all the answers for this summer, and I don’t have to. I can have some dreams, hopes, goals and must finish items. And that is ok too.
Sometimes I need to give myself a giant permission slip. This is what this essay is, a permission slip for you to not have an answer when you think you need to. You don’t. Amen.